Pizza

I haven’t been eating anything but apples, goat cheese, yogurt, and grapefruit juice. It’s very hard for me to eat when I’m depressed. This morning I woke up feeling a bit better, so I jumped right on it and splurged on pizza delivery. Vegetarian — olives, mushrooms, onions, garlic, tomatoes, peppers. i ate a few slices over the course of the day and have plenty leftover for tomorrow and the next day, if I can eat.

It was nice feeling less gloomy for a few hours. Took a shower and washed my hair. Sat in the sun for 20 minutes. Emptied the wastebaskets in my room. Watched the new episode of Line of Duty on the BBC. Played Cozy Grove. Listened to Mom playing Bach.

Feeling lower than dirt again now (Lies my brain tells me: i’m a horrible person, i‘m not lovable, i’m a problem, i’m annoying, i’m useless and worthless and pointless, you know) but it’s finally bedtime so i can sleep and maybe i’ll feel less awful again for a few hours tomorrow

Category: Blog 4 comments »

4 Responses to “Pizza”

  1. Amy

    I know that you know that as they say, “it’s the depression talking” and telling you all these negative things about yourself. I’ve heard all those things too. As I sit here, on my 7th day of mostly bed bound recovery from Pfizer #2, learning some new crochet squares, listening to your recording of “The Long Winter,” I’m thinking about how many insomniac nights your voice has been with me. You’ve given us so much. I can’t wait to hear what you read next. Thank you. Do your best to tell depression to STFU already. :) I know, easier said than done, and none of it’s true. xxx

  2. kara

    Yes absolutely i know depression lies, lies, lies. It’s odd that while part of my brain is telling me lies, another part is telling me that it’s lying. Wtf brain. Yeah Pfizer #2 was rough. Hope you feel better soon. Wondering if it’s a contributing factor. Maybe depression goes along with insomnia as an uncommon side effect. Have bizarre taste in my mouth this morning too. So glad you’re enjoying my cousin reading The Long Winter! I’ll start recording my next book, “Heaven to Betsy” as soon as I possibly can…

  3. Diane

    Dear friend I do not know. Depression is thought distortion you cannot control…such a nasty, demoralizing place to be. I know you know, but I just have to be mouthy as my family says…Antidepressants usually work. They take 3 to 4 weeks and sometimes they have to be switched out because those that we start with may not be the ones for us. When depressed, moving is the last thing we want to do…however, being outside and doing is helpful. Looks like you did that today…wonderful news. I try to accept myself in spite of my crazy . That is really hard, because instead of being old and wobbly, I want to run with the wind, roller skate backwards and body surf the Pacific ocean Glad you are sharing on your blog xoxo

  4. kara

    Hi Diane yes I swear by my Lexapro! It’s amazing. Thanks to 25mg Lexapro my depressive episodes are few and short. I know for a fact that this episode will last for mere days instead of months/years and knowing that makes it much more bearable.

    I’m also wobbly and need constant supplemental oxygen. I used to dance and hike and climb trees and skate and ride my bike. Now I use my walker to take VERY short walks, and you’re right — I should definitely go outside and move around a little bit.

    Thank you for the words of comfort, Friend I Do Not Know <3


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