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Oops missed a day. Yesterday I recovered from my busy Tuesday by listening to podcasts, knitting, and playing Animal Crossing :D

Today I knitted a lot, too. I’m making a new winter hat for myself since I’ll be moving north in less than two months and all but one of my many hats have disappeared. I also have hats planned as Christmas presents for several loved ones. Yarn for those just arrived today!

Dr Nguyen called to discuss my blood work. Kidneys don’t look so great so he said to stay hydrated and re-test next month. Vitamin D is low, so I’m to take 4000 units daily (up from my current 1000). Thyroid levels are a little low but not enough to tinker with. Everything else is pretty ok.

Had 2:45 lab appointment, to which I was 15 minutes late because of traffic, which means they didn’t take me till 3:20, then 3:45 doc appointment, to which I was also late but only a few minutes so my doc saw me anyway thank goodness. Nothing major, just a check-in. I asked about my night sweats, which he thinks are just a peri-menopause symptom but I thought I was done with that. All my symptoms went away for months! (Except loss of libido. Still waiting for that to come back but I figured it was my antidepressants’ fault. Maybe not?) He is checking my thyroid levels to be sure I don’t need to tweak my dose.

He told me I’ll be able to get great healthcare at OHSU in Portland and seemed genuinely sorry to see me go. Wonderful Dr. Nguyen. He also expressed his joy that I’m still alive despite all the predictions that I’d be dead by now!

Then I went to hang out with Em even though I wasn’t needed for childcare tonight as Kirsten’s orchestra rehearsal was canceled. I want to be sure Em knows how important she is to me even though I’ll be moving away.

I plan to write her a real paper letter every week (already sent one, which made her very happy), and I hope we can set up a regularly-scheduled FaceTime session so she can always count on some Kara-time. Eventually she’ll be old enough to come visit, the way Chloe used to visit every me summer when she was a tween and teen!

So yeah. Very tired, early bed.

Dave made one of his favorite dishes tonight and it was yum! Ground beef, tomato paste, tomatoes, zucchini, yellow squash, jalapeños, red bell pepper, onions, garlic, mushrooms, and gravy powder, all cooked up into a delicious spicy tangy slop and served over lightly steamed cabbage. Really really tasty!

Dave has… a lot of stuff. A lot. We need to sort through it before we move so we made a start today. Went to his industrial unit to pick up the guitars that he’s repairing for Marco, so he can repair them in comfort at our flat. Then we went to his storage locker — first time I’d seen it. Oh my. Lol. He dug out three huge boxes of clothing and went through them when we got home. He kept about four garments and the rest will go to the men’s shelter, yay!

We finished Britain’s Best Home Cook (excellent) last night so tonight we started Curb Your Enthusiasm over from the beginning. “The Pants Tent”. Larry apologizing to everyone and lying to everyone . Such a hilariously uncomfortable show!

Therapy day, yay!

I told Suzanne about this wonderful new feeling I’ve been experiencing. It’s an overwhelmingly positive feeling that I experience when I’m with Dave (which is basically all the time) but it’s very hard to describe. It’s a feeling of floatiness, airiness, freedom, almost a feeling of disappearing and being unaware of my “self”.

When I told her about it, she got this look of incredible happiness and even tears in her eyes, and she told me I’m experiencing the feeling of being PRESENT in a relationship. She says the part that has disappeared is the “avatar Kara”, that I set up to protect myself in all other past relationships, the persona I’ve used as a filter to make sure I don’t say or do anything that will upset my partner. I don’t need an avatar anymore! For one thing, Dave is so easy-going and loving and dependable that I feel completely safe. Also my mental health is so much better now that I know it would be ok even if he DID get upset with me! It wouldn’t make me panic. We would work it out. There’s no way I could say “the wrong thing” and lose him.

I don’t need to monitor my every move anymore! It’s remarkable. Absolutely remarkable. I’m so proud of myself! Ten years of fairly intense therapy work has paid off more than I could ever have imagined.

Dan has very generously had me on his cell phone plan ever since we split up in 2013, but today I moved to Dave’s plan, YAY!

House plans are moving along. No hitches. It will be ours in early December, knock on wood. I was feeling rather anxious about the logistics of moving Dave’s flat and his industrial unit full of woodworking equipment and ham radio gear and the contents of my room in Union City and our cars, but he explained his very logical plan and the sequence of events and now I don’t feel stressed at all.

I needed an echocardiogram now that I have titrated up my Remodulin and am at my target dose. UCSF is such a long drive that I asked them to send orders to my local cardiologist, and my appointment was today. Still a long drive because Dave’s place is a half-hour south and my appointment was just around rush hour, but I got there in time. An echo is an easy test (you just lie there and move when the tech tells you to) but it was still tiring. And of course being at the doc and hearing “your heart is very unusual” and “severe pulmonary hypertension” is always a reality check that I really don’t want.

When I got to UC in the afternoon to take care of Em, she was baking cookies! Kirsten was working at the dining table and had helped a little bit with measuring, but Em was doing most of the work herself! I advised on dough-readiness and helped put the trays in and out of the oven. And her cookies turned out to be delicious! I’m so proud of her *heart eyes*

Also — she had her first Pfizer shot on the weekend. Such a huge relief to us all. Now if they’ll approve it for the under-fives, we’ll all be protected.

Woke up feeling fine, and Dave is much better today, so I did a Big Shop at Trader Joe’s. Tons of fresh fruit and veggies! Pomegranates, pineapple, grapes, blueberries, strawberries, apples, bananas! Broccoli, cauliflower, green beans, celery, lettuce, peppers, zucchini, cabbage!

Dave used his trolley to bring it all in and I tidied the fridge and put it all away, and fixed us some lovely Greek yogurt with berries and granola.

Have I mentioned that I HATE the time change? It wrecks me twice a year. This evening we thought it was probably bedtime and checked the clock. 6:45. Arghhhhhh.

Dave wasn’t feeling at all well today. He has bone spurs in his shoulder which caused him great pain all night, and he was also feeling lousy from our cold (he’s a few days behind me — I’m nearly well). So he sat on the sofa and moaned, and I took care of him. Lots of tea and cough drops.

I’m so happy that I was there to care for him; I know that I’ll probably be the one needing care next time. We’ve got each others’ backs, 100%.

I adore this man.

In an attempt to fill the “San Diego Fish Tacos” shaped hole in my soul, I picked up lunch at Baja Fresh. Shrimp bowl for Dave and a fish taco meal for me, one “crispy”, one “grilled”. Crispy was close to the real thing. But still…

Remember, remember the fifth of November, gunpowder treason and plot!

Dave was surprised I knew about Guy Fawkes day, and “penny for the Guy”, etc. Thanks, Paddington! :)

Everything is still on track for the adorable house to become ours. In a week or so the lending bank will evaluate it, but the outcome shouldn’t affect much of anything. Then we just wait till early December for close of escrow and it becomes ours! We’re letting the sellers stay on until after Christmas, so we will take possession in early January. And then, if Dave’s job is agreeable, we can move to Portland! Fingers crossed…

Dave got a covid test yesterday because this cold hit him harder than it hit me and he’s coughing a lot and feeling rotten. Results came back clean — so this is, indeed, just a cold. I’m still not fully recovered either, so we’re just taking it easy.

I was playing Animal Crossing yesterday and eagerly awaiting the November update — when all of a sudden my Switch started freezing. I googled and did ALL the things (rebooting, reinitializing, etc.) — and it still freezes every couple of minutes. So I asked Dave if maybe Santa might bring me a new one for Christmas and he said “why wait?” so I found that our local Best Buy had them in stock. We drove right over between his meetings and picked one up — so now I am the proud owner of a brand-new ACNH-themed Nintendo Switch!

I have downloaded all my previously-purchased software and started my island over again. :)

Still not 100%, but drove up to keep Em company for a few hours even though Kirsten‘s rehearsal was canceled and I didn’t need to. Plus I wanted to do some sewing. Sewed four more pairs of boyshorts for myself because they are the comfiest undies EVER. No butt-creep! Plus they’re even easier to sew than traditional undies, so win-win.

Got home late afternoon and totally crashed. Dave’s still not feeling great either (it hit him harder than it hit me) so we chilled and caught up on some TV. Survivor, Taskmaster, and Britain’s Best Home Cook. So COZY!!!

Hello November! Glad to see ya! Summer is over, here come cozy days and soup and warm clothes. It even rained for five minutes this morning! And I made a lovely beef stew. I say beef… it only has a few chunks of beef and tons of good veggies. Carrots, celery, potatoes, peppers, cabbage, green beans, onion, garlic.

Dave caught my cold so I’m happy to feed him good warm nutritious soup today, poor boy.

Third ep of third season of Succession tonight. Omg it was magnificent. I watched it again right away.

Funny how all the actors look five years older… 2020 was hard on everyone!

But not worse! Just resting and recovering. It’s nice to be only a little bit sick, just enough that I have an excuse to do absolutely nothing.

Just resting today. I caught a little cold from Jayla, who thought she had allergies. Definitely not covid, just a little runny nose, and the post nasal drip is irritating my throat and stomach a bit. So I’m drinking broth and hot lemonade and playing Animal Crossing.