Still rather tired all day so I didn’t do much. Went out in the morning to pick up meds and get more veggie seeds from the library, and then I started the seeds in tiny cardboard pots that will biodegrade in the garden. In the afternoon I went with Dave to the Ham Radio Outlet and the garden center for potting soil to fill up my grow-bags. Just need big trays to set them in and I’ll be ready for spring!
Henry came over tonight to swap cars and we had a chance to hang out and talk and stuff. So nice.
I started cutting out the pieces for my March Dress ( https://helensclosetpatterns.com/product/march-top-and-dress/ ) today. It’s a big job because I’m using a second-hand silk sari and silk is a PITA to work with. I got the sari all ironed and cut out the bodice, facings, and pockets but then I was too tired to continue so the sleeves and skirt will need to wait. The silk might be too fragile to make reliable pockets so I think I should line them with muslin but if I put the muslin on the inside it might peep through the pocket opening, and if I put it on the outside, the white might show through the skirt. I’ll have a little think…
I was so tired this afternoon. it’s frustrating.
Now that we’ve finished “24 Hours in Police Custody” we needed another good British police/hospital reality show. We tried a few that didn’t hit the mark, and then tonight we tried “Ambulance” on the BBC iPlayer and it totally scratched the itch! Lovely caring English people helping and rescuing other lovely English people. We started with s07e01, because that’s the earliest episode that the iPlayer has, but here’s a link to s01e01 on DailyMotion that you should be able to view in the US:
https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x6vafcg
This morning I got my smog check done, which I need in order to register the Honda so I can give it to Henry. It was remarkably easy. In Oregon they have big official smog check stations. No appointment — you just drive up into one of several lanes, a friendly person does the check, you pay $25 and drive away 5 minutes later. Easy-peasy.
My appointment to finish the whole process is at the end of April. Gettin’ things done.
Slept till 10am!
Let’s see, what have I done today… I ironed a few yards of beautiful jacquard linen with which I plan to make dish towels. (this one, until the link breaks. Got it on sale. https://www.fabrics-store.com/fabrics/linen-fabric-IL085-mlt-15-navel-orange-middle ) Emptied the compost bucket. Got the Roomba going (and rescued him when he got stuck under the same chair he always gets stuck under).
And then I sat in my comfy chair in the south window of the living room and read and read and read. Started one of the crime thrillers I got from the library yesterday: “Find Me” by Alafair Burke. A good solid page-turner.
Oh! I got hungry for lunch! I made and ate a quesadilla! That’s the most significant meal I’ve had in ages. I still only weigh 105 but I’m sure I’ll start to plump up again soon. Last night I got hungry at bedtime and ate a whole apple with a little log of goat cheese, which was my usual bedtime snack until the carb/levo destroyed my appetite. It’s so nice to have a little appetite again, and food has a taste again too.
Oh my god I had no idea how much better I’d feel off the carb/levo. Jesus H Christ. I feel cheerful again! I have small amounts of energy!
This morning I went to the library, our wonderful little branch that’s just a few minutes away and is open seven days a week. Got a stack of books for myself and a stack for Lulu. I like to have fresh books for her when she visits. And I got six more pinches of seeds from the seed library! Zucchini, cilantro, bush beans, and three kinds of tomatoes. Came home and started them in peat pots.
I remember soaking peat pots to start seeds in with my mom when I was about five. We had a terrifying, tumble-down greenhouse that smelled amazing but was full of spiders so I preferred to stay near the door.
And then I printed out my new dress pattern (the March Dress from Helen’s Closet here https://helensclosetpatterns.com/product/march-top-and-dress/ ), taped all the pages together, and traced off my size. I’m going to skip the decorative exterior front and back facing and just face the neck slit to the inside like normal, and I’ve lowered the front neckline by an inch because I know it will drive me insane up high like that. I know I SHOULD make a muslin (a practice garment of cheap cloth to check the fit) but I have a beautiful dark green silk sari that I got for $15 on etsy — that’s cheaper than buying four yards of plain cotton muslin, and the dress has a loose forgiving fit so I’m sure it will be fine. :D
And then I was tired so I’ve been sitting on the sofa watching the New Zealand version of Taskmaster. So good.
I slept straight through till 8:45am! I woke up feeling fine and got a lot of housework done before I got tired. The kids came over in the afternoon and we got Chinese food from the good place nearby. Henry helped Dave put up a big radio antenna in the yard, and I got lots of time with Jayla and the littles. Lulu is bright, happy, and busy; Freyja is trying hard to stand and she’s only six months old! All the clothes I sewed for them fit perfectly.
Stopping the carb/levo was definitely the right move; my low-grade depression has disappeared and I got hungry twice today! I’m not back to normal but I have hope.
Of course, now I have the RLS to contend with again. It hit hard while we were watching TV before bed so I had to kick and twitch and wriggle my legs and feet, but by the time we went to bed it was bearable.
We’ve finished all 9 seasons of 24 Hours in Police Custody that are on BritBox. I know there are more seasons out there but they don’t seem to stream anywhere. Grr.
Up early to go to my first appointment with my Portland primary care physician. Great experience! His PA Nicki (Ricki?) was very kind, and Dr Chen was excellent! He listened! We went over allllll my meds and he’s trying again to get insurance to cover the ones they rejected. My medical records had arrived that morning and he showed me the inch-thick stack (not exaggerating) and said he hadn’t had time to read it all yet — no kidding! Lol. He was familiar with the basics and we discussed the care I need from him — to monitor my thyroid and bloodwork, refer me for appropriate tests, see me every few months, set me up with end-of-life care when necessary. He kind of gently asked me if I knew what my prognosis is, and seemed relieved when he realized that I know exactly how bad it is. I told him I want minimal procedures and tests, and I just want to spend my time being comfortable. He totally understood. So that was a huge relief, cause I really didn’t want to find a different doc! It was hard enough to find him.
Oh and his clinic does their blood draws right there so I didn’t need to go to a lab!
It was so much fun driving my lovely Leaf EV :D
I got hungry twice today and my mood was much much better than it has been for the past couple of months. I had a little more energy, too. Dropping the carb/levo is working and I hope to be back to my regular level of discomfort soon. Ha.
Slept very badly again but I feel ok and even creative, so I spent a few hours sewing for the littles. I finished a warm outfit for Freyja and assembled the bodice of Lulu’s skater dress. And then I realized that I was tired and could stop without needing to clear away my projects! Oh, the luxury of a sewing room!
Now I’ve built a fire in the woodstove and am going to embroider, watch Taskmaster series four, and listen to a great audiobook I started while I was sewing: The Serial Killer’s Wife by Alice Hunter.
Oh yesterday I finished The Floating Feldmans, another fantastic family novel by Elyssa Friedland. Loved every page. She is AMAZING!
It was gently sunny this morning and and now it’s gently raining. I can hear Dave having a zoom work meeting working in his basement Dave Cave. From my sewing room I watched him set up one of his portable ham radio antennae in the back yard. Lovely, lovely Dave. We’re still absolutely bonkers about each other. *heart eyes*
Was lying in bed this morning and thinking about all the horrible new physical problems that started a couple months ago. No appetite, dulled sense of taste, weight loss, all manner of gut issues (constipation and diarrhea at the same time), nausea, depression, leg pain, bad sleep, nightmares, severe night sweats, dry mouth… some of this is “normal” for me to a certain extent (side effects from life-saving PAH meds) but it has all increased /drastically/ over the last couple months, causing me to worry that I have some terrible new disease, and it occurred to me that I started taking carb/levo for RLS (restless leg syndrome) around the same time as it all kicked off.
So I googled the side effects of carb/levo. Omfg. EVERYTHING I’ve been suffering from is explained. Everything. Every fucking thing. Pardon my French.
So no more carb/levo starting tonight. Maybe within a couple weeks everything will settle down to manageable levels. I’ll gladly go back to a couple hours of misery every night in exchange for no longer feeling miserable 24/7.
I have hope.
Another incredibly tired day. It’s so inexpressibly frustrating. I want to sew and organize and knit and cook and bake and clean and record audiobooks and start seedlings and take a walk by the river, and instead I had to lie down all day. I ran a load of laundry but I just don’t have the energy to hang it up. Hope it doesn’t mildew overnight, but whatever. There’s always vinegar.
Well, I did get up to take the Leaf for a spin (so much fun to drive!) and to get a sandwich. But other than that, today was a write-off. At least I have a good book — The Floating Feldmans, by Elyssa Friedland. It’s another super-duper crazy complicated dysfunctional family story :D
When I have a string of Tired Days I get so anxious. Someday that’ll just be how it is, and I don’t know when. Is this the time I don’t bounce back? It’s frightening.
